Challenge: Understand, Orochimaru. From uh myself. Via point and pick random word on random page of notebook.
Word Count: 567
My attempt at a young Orochimaru's line of thinking. Um. When he was, say, six?
Someday, he thinks, they'll understand.
He has reasoned it out with himself countless times, and he can find no flaws in his argument. None significant, anyway. He will not tell Sarutobi-sensei about this because he isn't sure he will understand – adults think on a different wavelength from children, their dreams have been washed away by years and stained by the blood they have spilt. A child knows this, Orochimaru more than others.
Tsunade and Jiraiya wouldn't understand this need to live either. They have never been hunted nor had death surround them and release them. He has. The often-sick child saw a hawk descend on a snake once, and as he stared with an inexplicable sense of dread he realized understood the language of the writhing snake. It was basic, that struggle to survive. It was his.
He drops hints to Tsunade and Jiraiya every now and then, but as he expects they don't understand. They think 'it's unnatural' and 'nobody cheats death, not even the Hokage'. Of course not, his child mind thinks, he connected his life to Konoha's. He has no life anymore. We'll see, Orochimaru says and turns his back on them. They'll see.
He knows death too well, and he never wants to succumb. His mother died during childbirth, and his father was killed during a mission. A fever ravaged him for a month when he was very young. He has stared at death more than once, and each time he escapes he thinks never again and trains even harder.
His body reminds him that all humans die. It is a strange thought to exist in the mind of a child, but then again Orochimaru never was normal. Conversely his mind is strong, as is his chakra, and fortunately for him the mind and soul and spirit never die. He wants to be immortal someday, and so he waits and thinks up a solution, or tries to.
The human body is frail and finite, and his body is not a strong or healthy one. Orochimaru knows a deadly tempest can snap him in two, but he has long since learnt to stand in such a way that the tempest will not destroy him but lend him power. Underestimate me, he challenged an adult ninja twice his height some time ago, then subtly extended his formidable chakra and snapped his backbone like a twig. His dying, pain-filled scream haunted his teammates for a week or so, but Orochimaru was privately fascinated with his power to cut the strings of life.
When Sarutobi-sensei asked the three genin to share their dreams and aspirations on their first meeting, Orochimaru quietly said that he wanted to become supremely powerful. Jiraiya did too, but the pale boy was sure that loud-mouth only wanted to impress girls. He had the faint inkling that Tsunade was on to something when she countered by saying real power lay in giving life, not taking it away. A year later, he has decided that true power is to take away life from another, and give it to yourself, all in one fell swoop. You're brilliant; he congratulates himself and tells no one because they wouldn't understand.
Orochimaru doesn't think he is a dreamer. He knows he is a realist.
Immortality – what is the point of being born, when all one does in the end is die?
Why die when you have been born?
X-Posted in acanti and _orochimaru_.